Time to hear from you
Time moves along doesn't it?.. We're two years removed from the date Hannah fell ill.. It seems like yesterday and a million years ago at the same time..
Another Mother's day came and went as well... tough weekend for Heidi and all of us.. Still very raw, but we did celebrate, or do our best imitation... that seems to be the game now.. put on our best "I'm ok" act and try and look at the bright side of things.. we did it for a while on Sunday, but the day caught up to all of us as we knew it would...
We've come to the conclusion that time doesn't dull the pain of her death, it just makes it easier to avoid or control the difficult thoughts of her illness and watching her take her last breath.. not a sight any parent should ever have to see..
Not a day goes by that we don't lament and grieve.. I miss her more intensely each day and minute.. Still in disbelief and somehow trying to "resolve" what happened.. It's a helpless feeling and one that we know we'll be facing the rest of our lives..
Yeh, time keeps churning doesn't it? Tic, Tic, Tic... I wonder what it all means..
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We were in the Texas Roadhouse in Peoria recently and ran into a few of the very special people who work there again. I provided several pictures of Hannah that are now on display as you walk in. They are pics or her before she got sick and capture her bright, bubbly personality. They are certainly a few of our favorites.
As you may know, this restaurant participants in raising money for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society and Hannah was chosen in 2007 to lead the cause. The hope was she would be here today to lead an inspirational fight on battling this disease. Instead, we fight in her memory and honor.. The Roadhouse was a favorite of Hannah's... She loved the bread and I can see her dancing with Emma and the staff in one of their line dance routines... I wish I could have that day back again..
I will be reaching out to everyone to participate in these drives when the "percentage nights" are announced. Heidi and I will be in attendance for both evening dinners.
I will update you all when I know more. Stay Tuned.
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Lastly and most importantly to me, I would like you guys to write in. I would like you to write your memories of Hannah or our family. The times you spent with her, or heard of her or were touched by her. Whether you knew her or not, how has her story touched you and do you think you've been affected in a positive way?
Write one or many comments. I would enjoy reading your thoughts. No rush..
Thx everyone.
We still love you all.
The Turowski's
Hannah is still on my mind, though I never got to meet her. Logan and Sami visited your family quite often, and Logan was so inspired by the Light the Night Walk, when Hannah had a smile on her face the entire night. Her courage and determination inspired me to commit to Team in Training last year, and raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (I raised over $4300), and that was the most important part. During that year-long period, I trained to run a half-marathon in Hannah's honor. We spoke of her many Saturday mornings at Paseo Park, in the dark, wee hours of a long run. We donated gifts at Christmas in her name. Mostly, though, when it got tough for me, or when I didn't really want to get out and run (because I am NO Runner.)....her face, her spirit was always on my mind, and I always said, "She fought, and fought, and fought. Her family loved her so much and fought with and for her." "For Hannah, For Hannah..." I sometimes even said it out loud as I was running up a hill, and I swear to you, I felt her sometimes, nudging me. I sat with Heidi on her bench one cold December morning, in the middle of a run, and Heidi's warmth shone through, in a place where it shouldn't have felt that way.
Well, I finished the PFChang's Half-Marathon, in Hannah's honor, and I did it in under 3 hours...which was super-great, for me! My teammates had her name on the back of our jerseys, and folks along the way would shout out her name.....and I'm sure Hannah laughed at that!!! Seems silly, and trivial, but it was HUGE to us! Thank you for allowing me to share this story with you, and for allowing me to do something GREAT in Hannah's honor. The tears never stop when we think of her. It's not fair that cancer took your little girl. Thank you for the courage to share your stories with all of us. We hug our kids so tightly now!!!
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hi Kelly, thank you so much for sharing.. It makes me feel so good to hear this story.. Thank you for loving her and running in her honor.. most of all, thank you for "hugging your kids tightly".. that's what hannah (and me) would want.. thank you!! write again if you feel the urge..
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Hey Bob,
I never got to know Hannah and your family the way I hoped I would. I was the one who spoke with you to the staff at Texas Roadhouse that first year, about Hannah and why it was so important for everyone to help in the cause. I was in charge of the W. Side LTN Walk at that time.
You and my husband and I sat at the bar afterward and talked about Hannah, our hopes for her, about the LLS. Hannah was my Honored Patient for the Walk and I was so looking forward to getting to know her and your family, as a fellow survivor, not just because I worked at LLS.
The cause has always been very personal to me, since my best friend was diagnosed with AML in '01. She had a stem cell transplant and is a survivor - we spoke about her that night too. It gave you hope for Hannah. We all had such high hopes. Not even hope really - expectations. Nothing less than full remission was even considered.
So many times I wanted to meet her and she was always so ill, all I ever saw was photos, and I met you and Heidi and your girls at Texas Roadhouse but never Hannah, not until the night of the walk. She was in a wheelchair and had the puffy chemo cheeks and was wearing her long, blonde wig. She broke my heart.
Hearing so much about her, getting to know her through your stories and photos when we were planning the walk, I felt so close to her. But of course she didn't know me at all. And seeing how the chemo had affected her, and how strong she was to still come to the walk, her bravery was incredible.
When I think of Hannah, I think of the photo we had of her in her pink hat, sitting with Heidi, smiling. Or I think of her in the other photo, sitting outside in her tank top, among flowers, also smiling.
We all cried in the office that day we heard she was going home to hospice care. It's hard for us as staff because our Honored Patients become so near and dear to us, in our mind they become extended family. But we're not family, we're not even really friends of the family. I think people believe we're just involved because we have to be, because it's our job. But for nearly every single person there it's far more than a job, and we get involved because we truly care.
Hannah touched our hearts, and we died a little that day when we lost her. She was wonderful and special and beautiful - even if we never got the chance to know her as well as we wanted to, we know that much about her.
We still fight the good fight, and still work towards a day when no family will have to go through losing a child. That's our real mission and every day we strive towards that. Sometimes that gets lost in the day to day work, and it's people like Hannah who bring it back to the forefront of our minds.
Thank you for sharing your memories, your thoughts and even your pain with us. We grieve with you, and will always remember Hannah as that beautiful, smiling girl she was. I know I will never forget her.
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hi Amyy. As hard is it is to read your comment, i need to and appreciate you taking the time to write.. thank you.. I agree that we all "expected" her remission and that her positive, determined, little spirit would concer this horrific disease.. stunned and devestated, we deal with the pieces we're left with.. i so want to see the day no other family will have to endure what we've had to.. Although you never had the chance to meet her,she was everything you imagine and more and she sees you now and is proud of you..Thank you as much for sharing and do what you do..plz stay in touch with us and keep fighting the fights..
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Hey bob,
i never reallyy got to meet hannah except for the occasional hello's in the lunch room before school with emma. But just hearing about her from you and others inspired me. All the stories you guys told me were special.
For example, when you guys told me about when Hannah,Emma, and Heidii were having a sleepover at the hospital. & hannah i guess farted and pretended it was Heidii(:. Im not sure if i have the story correct,lol, but it definitely helped me learn about Hannah's funny side. I learned from her that you can make the worst situation seem "ok". I live by that daily. Thanks Hannah<3
i lovee you all& hope to see you soon.
love always,
~Jessie Marie Fowler~
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Hi Jes.. Thanks so much for your comment. Your story is accurate.. Hannah had a lot of prankster in her and carried on that Heidi "tooted" for all to hear when it was really her.. I wish I could go back to that day right now..
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Hi Bob and Heidi and Ashley and Emma Jean, I always look forward to reading your entries at Our Hero Hannah. Yes, time does pass so quickly!! I moved to Florida and have been living here for three months now. It seems like 2 weeks ago!! I know even more miles separate us now, but I feel close when I read this blog. I loved the part in this entry where you mentioned the Texas Roadhouse. We have one here in FL less than a quarter mile from where I live. We often go there to eat. The kids that work there are so much fun and really get into the line dancing!! Today it is raining and overcast and really feels like a NJ day which makes me a little homesick for Joisey!!! Living here in FL is so much like NJ in that about 70 percent of the people I meet here are from NY or NJ LOL!!! The only thing different is the palm trees and the nice weather and the sunsets are so beautiful here!! I have become very involved in doing volunteer work here. I work in the ER at a local hospital and am being trained to work in a Red Cross Shelter. I hope there are no big hurricanes this year. Anyhow just wanted to say hi and glad to hear you all are doing well and hanging in there. I think of all of you and Hannah a lot and sure miss you. Maybe when things straighten out here I could come and visit yall!! Give my love to Little Barbs as well.
Love, Mitch
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Hey There Turowski's
Being your neighbor I have had the pleasure of seeing the girls outside playing on many many occasions. I have vivid memories of little Hannah riding her bike around the neighborhood with Emma and Allie. They would ride past the house and around the corner, and around again, and around again and again... I got a kick out of it because every time they passed by, the girls would be telling stories, giggling and laughing. I thought how wonderful it would be to be so carefree and enjoying life as they were. But the best memory I have of Hannah is the ones where I would see her outside in a bathing suit-not so unique until I tell you the time of year-December and January. Hannah with her huge bubbly smile,running around in a bathing suit in the middle of winter. BRRRR.
Most touching was the day Hannah arrived home via ambulance to spend her last days. We were preparing sand bags for the luminaries to be placed throughout the neighborhood in her honor. I could feel her presence with every candle we lit. That night was so very touching to me because I was in the mist of so many people who cared about her. We all just stood silent while she was wheeled into the house. My heart ached for the family.
On a lighter note, we have her bench by the lake to remind us of her happy smiley face. I see her in my mind every time I pass by it.
Thank you for sharing your most intimate and heart breaking thoughts. It helps those of us reading your words to cherish our loved ones.
Vicki Ramsay
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Thx for sharing Vicki. I can visualize each memory you speak of. How we miss her so much... Thanks for writing and being such a special neighbor and friend to us..
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We often think of the girls when they were very young, running around outside scantilly clad. Especially Hannah. She would be fully dressed to go outside and within a few minutes, she'd be sporting just her flip flops and a big happy smile. Our neighbor accross the street had offered to take up a collection several times to "buy" Hannah some clothes.. A way of comforting herself, Hannah would play with her belly button. We nicknamed it her "DeDe".. Not sure how we came up with that? Anyway, if she wore anything that prevented instant access to her "Dede", there was a problem. That's why no "one-sies" would hold her and why she would wear the same sun dress day in and day out.. I remember when she was really nervous in the hospital, Heidi and I would notice her touching her belly button.. OH how I miss her.. I ache so badly.. Thx for sharing Vicki. Thx for spearheading the bench in her memory too.. I visit it very often..
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OMG! Kendel had the same obsession with her belly button! We called it the need to "tickle her welly" because she couldn't say "belly" and we talk about it to this day! No onesies, no dresses, no footie PJs, no over-alls...all because no access to the "welly" meant drama for all! She wants you to know that it is still comforting to this day
From Kendel : yet even though I do tickle my belly button I don't do it as often as when i was young. But I still do it.I may not like dresses and would not wear them in public unless it is for a weding or something. Oh and i wouldn't wear cover alls any where for any thing because honestly i do not think they are my style any more. and i LOVE footie pjs and would wear them all the time if i could. But the sad prob is that they dont have my size any more
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While Hannah and Kendel were not super close, I was blessed to get to know her and your family because Aidan and Emma (and their entire click!) have been great friends since kindergarten (wow! so long ago!).
Speaking of kindergarten, those days are some of my fondest memories of Hannah. I remember standing outside Ms. Crane's classroom with all the other moms, chatting with Heidi, laughing about how she had to make sure Hannah was dressed appropriately every day because Hannah would wear belly shirts...and Bob would let her! She would have worn a bathing suit to school! And Bob would have let her! How great to be so care free and to have a dad that just wanted her to be happy. I sure loved those days watching the girls, SO LITTLE, run around the playground without a care in the world.
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I knew Hannah only through the youth sports web site I work on. I do know that no other story on the Ledger site brought the heartfelt reaction from readers as the one we ran about Hannah. Her fight really touched a lot of people.
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Thank you for sharing Tom.. I really appreciate it.. I'm happy to hear she was loved by people who didn't know her and touched so many..
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As you know, Hannah first touched my life at Texas Roadhouse. I still remember that first day she danced with us like it was yesterday. Never have I met a little girl with such personality and joy. Each day, I walk into work and look at those wonderful pictures of her. They help to keep me motivated and talk to everyone about our efforts. As I told you last time you were in the restaurant, I am running the TNT marathon in her memory. I have a Hugs for Hannah bracelet on my water bottle to keep me going when the runs get tough. She is at the very heart of my passion to achieve the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's mission.
As my fundraising page is finally done, I thought you might want to take a look.
http://pages.teamintraining.org/dm/dublin09/ourherohannah
She touched so many of us, and it is truly an honor to do this event in her memory.
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I knew that Hannah was a very special person from the moment I first met her! Steve and I were visiting Phoenix, and it was late August - right before Heidi's birthday, I think. Anyway, Hannah was young, Emma was just starting Kindergarden. Hannah (who Heidi said didn't really warm up to strangers- not at that age anyway)took a big shine to me - she wanted to do what I was doing, go with me when I left the room, gave me hugs and kisses and even - wanted me to read her favorite stories to her(over and over again!). For a while I thought I was unique, special - but I quickly learned that it was ALL Hannah. So - I am not suprised that she touched so many lives, and made so many people feel special and still is. So - although I don't run (unless I'm being chased - with a weapon)I still get inspiration from Hannah - fight for what you want, live for those you love, laugh as much as possible - be who you are and what you are, knowing the freedom of going naked, unashamed and loving every minute of it! Love you guys.
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Recently i picked up Alyssa from a friends house. On the way home she told me about how her friend yells at her mother. Observing, she wanted to tell her friend how terrible it is to lose a family member and loved ones. That they may not be around forever. I worry about Alyssa, but the life lesson she learned was to be grateful and to live in the moment. She stills sleeps peacefully with her frog every night.
I still think we should cruise and enjoy friends and family.
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Bob, I hope you got the pics of Hannah on the 4th of July...found them and thought you would like to see them. You must have some originals, but its great to see different views of a special day. Hannah certainly had a carefree personality. I miss seeing her playing barefoot in the rain. One day, Hannah and Emma made their own fun with the rolling office chair in your garage. They rolled it down the driveway laughing as each took their turn. Also, she loved the monsoon storms here in AZ. We frequently saw her laughing, dancing and splashing out in the rain. We miss her youthful enthusiasm and carefree approach to life. Our thoughts about Hannah remind us to enjoy life and not try to control every little thing. Its just of waste of time...We pray for the family. Karin, Rick & Ian
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I have a memory about Hannah~ I will never forgot being in the hospital to celebrate Hannah's 10th birthday. We felt very fortunate to be there and watch her blow out her birthday candles and enjoy all the love around her. You could tell Hannah was very tired.One of her friends gave her a Hannah Montana game, Hannah herself was too exhausted to play but she wanted her friends to play so she could watch. I will never forget watching her in her bed as she lay there watching her friends(sometimes with only 1 eye open) act out the game and she just smiled and giggled when she felt up to it. It was amazing to watch her and see the pure joy she had just observing her friends having fun. I looked around and thought this is one amazing girl that has brought all these people together and you could just see her in eyes that she was living in the moment and ejoying every second she had.
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Hi Bob,
i havent been on in a while and its nice to see that you are still writing. Stay strong and I hope to see you around.
love,
Sydney Abeyta
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I have so many memories of Hannah. So many stories that brought soooo much laughter and joy to our lives. I will share one this morning that makes me lol everytime I think about it. We had gone up to Young, Az. to visit my Dad. We had spent the entire day playing, catching crawdads in the creek, Four-wheeling, Sitting around the campfire, etc. We got back to our motel room and as Hannah always did she had convinced me that she was just to exhausted to take a bath and she would do it in the morning. After I had showered I went to her side of the bed to tuck her in and as I brought the blankets up I looked down at her little feet and to my surprise the bottoms were as black as they could be! Just filthy! I leaned into to her and said "With feet like that, we are going to start calling you Little Black Foot." And as serious as she could be (she must have been 6 at the time) she said "Oh ya, well then we will just call you "Little Big Yappy Mouth." Bob and I just burst into laughter. It was just one of those out of the mouth of babes moments. For most of you who know me and for Hannah who knew me so well there is rarely a time that I am short for words. We continue to hold on to these memories for they are more precious than anything you could imagine.
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In a very intimate moment, as Hannah lay in her hospital bed, enduring weeks and weeks of ongoing chemotherapy, MRI's, CT scans, X-rays, Blood Draws, Etc. After month after month watching all her dear friends and family going on with all the fun and fantastic things happening in their lives. Hannah and I were working on a journal. We were documenting all the things that Hannah liked, disliked, her favorites and so on. One of the questions in the journal that came up was "If there was one thing you could change about your life what would it be?" Without even giving it a thought I immediately knew the answer to that question. I held my tongue and asked Hannah what is was that she would change. She pondered the question for a few moments and looked me directly in the eye and said "Nothing." "I love my life." I responded "You wouldn't even change being diagnosed with cancer?" She said "No ma, I've made a lot of new friends and met a lot of really nice people here at the hospital." I sat there for a long while staring into the eyes of my 9 year old daughter in awe of her wisdom, the calmness that surrounded her and the simplicity of love and relationships in which she was grateful for. When I call upon this memory I know that in all my pain and suffering each day that I live without her I must always remember that in this life as short as it is, it is only and always without question, about LOVE and RELATIONSHIPS. In my darkest moments I hold onto that, in Hannah's short life she felt complete love and happiness. Thank you Hannah. Your Mother misses you every waking moment!
PS. About two hours later when we had finished working in Hannah's journal she turned to me and said "You know I might change one thing. It would be that you would be able to swim while you have a Broviac. Kids need to be able to swim." Hannah loved to swim. (a broviac is line that was inserted into her chest to administer chemotherapy).
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Thank you Shelley, Kendel, Rebecca, Deb, Christina, Karen, Sidney, Marni and Mama.. I very much appreciate you sharing with us. Feel free to share additional stories as you remember them.
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One day I was spending the night at the hospital with Hannah and I came in the afternoon to relieve mom. Hannah had normal labs and was able to be unhooked from the IV pump for a few hours during the day so she was free to move around without it. We were messing around, playing and watching T.V. and Hannah got up to use the bathroom. After she did her business, she came out of the bathroom laughing hysterically and I asked her what was so funny. She told me that even though she wasn't hooked to her IV pole she brought it to the bathroom with her because she forgot she was unhooked! We both burst into a fit of giggles after that
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One more although there are many
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Bob & Heidi
It was great seeing you guys @ the baseball game the other night. We miss all of you terribly. Heidi I gave you my wrong email address it is loriknight4@yahoo.com.
All of our love
The Knights
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Just a note,
we were riding our bikes a few days ago and noticed a small brown shape under Hannah's plaque near her special place in our neighborhood. At first, I thought it was something Heidi put there for Hannah. As we got closer...it moved. OK, now we had to investigate! We carefully and quietly got closer and found the small brown shape was a duck taking a peaceful nap. Its green head was tucked under its wing. Now, we all know there are many great places for a little duck to nap in our area....but, it seems that spot was the best. We think Hannah would like that. Karin & Ian
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I work at Legend Springs and was a crossing guard when Hannah and Emma went to school there. On the afternoons when I would cross the girls Hannah would always say "Have a nice day". Each time I see her photo or think of Hannah, I can hear her voice. They were always so polite! Smiling faces always. I don't think I ever heard them say a cross word to each other.
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Hi Trish. Thanks for writing. I know who you are, but we've never met. Heidi and the girls were/are big fans of you. Thanks for always being so nice to my family. Thanks for sharing. It makes me feel good. Hannah's Dad..
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Hey Bob,
I just remembered a year when you guys took me to the turkey trot at legends with you. Remember when they used to give out prizes? that year i didnt get my name drawn to get anything. Hannah, being the lucky girl she was had won two. She decided to give one to me. It was a little football bag with a whistle and notepad paper and everything. I still have it to this day. It's really special to me. I hope i'll see you around soon!
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Hi, very nice bog nad Hanna is lovely. Keep it up.
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I am remembering your sweet Hannah today and think of her and your family all the time!
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